Giro d’Lap Dancia (Max’s Bachelor Party)

Ullie, myself, and Blake

Have you been motorboated in a skinsuit? Because I have (thanks Ullie). That little ditty goes into the vast score of accomplishments from this past Saturday…. right alongside doing a shot of Fireball with an entertainer who just wanted to talk about her Colnago Mapei Dream & ordering drinks from an elderly woman wearing a shirt with boob holes in it (which could only be described in my new adventures by saying she gives ‘paddleboats’, not motoboats)

To prepare for my eminent descent into monogamy with my beautiful bride, a ride was plotted and planned. A ride that would put the classics to shame, and out-shine even the TdF on it’s opening day – the Giro d’Lap Dancia.

Though some route modifications had to be made, the removal of Stage 4  do to injuries (non-groin), and in the end Stages 8 and 9 would be moved to a later date – the Giro was a mad success. Many riders came to drop in throughout the Giro and none were left unsatisfied.

Rather than provide a “dry” review of the events and facts throughout this grand tour, I wanted to provide a stage by stage recollection of life lessons I distilled from both by my fellow riders, entertainers, and the many civilians we encountered.

Stage 1 (Casa Diablo)
Never let anyone talk to you about her fat grandmother with a fat daschund, especially if she is naked.

Stage 2 (Marys Club)
Boobs can be weird too.

Stage 3 (Magic Garden)
You’re in love when there’s an upside-down dancer in your lap and you’re thinking “Christina would love those shoes”

Feed (Sizzle Pie / B-sides)
A great piece of pizza will heal all wounds, even those left by Casa Diablo.

Stage 5 (Hawthorne Strip)
The best things are always undiscovered.

Stage 6 (Sassys)
Love your life, then your wife. Everything else will fall into place.” – anonymous

Stage 7 (Union Jacks)
Shitty music can and will ruin everything.

Misrouted Stop (Lost in Irvington)
Wear a helmet.

Feed (Bye & Bye)
Good friends don’t just deal with you acting like a drunk ass-hat, they expect and enjoy it.

Feed (Javiers)
When returning home from abroad, always bring breakfast burritos and french fries.

 

Finally, thank you to all of those who were willing to don spandex and venture into the land of naked ladies with me. I giggled, laughed, and loved the shit out of every moment.

 

Check out some photos from Jose (originals on flickr) and others:

 

River City Bicycles & Team Rose City Present: The 7th Annual Eric Kautzky Memorial Track Race

Track season is almost upon us. I know we have some folks who will be racing this year. Who else will I see at the first weekend race of the season?

Team Rose cityEric Kautzky photoHincapie Sportswear logo

RIVER CITY BICYCLES & Team Rose City presents
The 7th Annual Eric Kautzky Memorial Track Race
MAY 5, 2012 – Alpenrose Velodrome
6149 SW Shattuck Rd, Portland, OR

Bicyclinghub.comRiver City Bicycles logo

Proceeds to benefit the Eric Kautzky Memorial Scholarship Fund at Tigard High School. Get ready to race the first omniums and points races of the season

CATEGORIES

• Junior Women • Women Cat 1/2/3 • Men Cat 3 • Masters Men 50+
• Junior Men • Masters Women 40+ • Men Cat 1/2 • Men Cat 5
• Women Cat 4 • Men Cat 4 • Masters Men 40+ • Kiddie Kilo

REGISTRATION

• Juniors — $5 • All Others — $15 • Additional category — $5
• OBRA license required: single day ($5) and yearly ($20 online, $25 day of race) available (juniors yearly license $5).
ANSI approved helmets required.
• Prizes – Hincapie custom event jerseys (omnium winners)/ Merchandise
• Make Checks Payable to Team RCW

SCHEDULE

9:00 AM – 10:00AM Warm-up and Registration
10:00 AM – Kiddie Kilo! Racing Begins!

Cancelled in the event of rain. CONTACT: Darell Provencher; 503-657-0568; darellp@easystreet.net

Promoter discretion to combine categories if min of 5 riders not met. Length & type of race may change without notice to accommodate schedule, rider capabilities, and weather. This is an OBRA sanctioned event. All relevant OBRA rules apply. OBRA and the organizers of this race do not provide insurance coverage for injuries that occur at the race. The costs related to those injuries are the responsibility of the individual participant.

Junior Women: 2/3 mile, mile, pts Men Cat 1/2: pt-a-lap, miss & out, pts
Junior Men: 2/3 mile, pts, mile Women Cat 4: scratch, pts, mile
Men Cat 3: unk dist, scratch, pt-a-lap Women Cat 1/2/3: pts, scratch, m&o
Men Cat 4: scratch, pts, unk dist Masters Women 40+: unk dist, m&o, pt-a-lap
Men Cat 5: mile, scratch, pt-a-lap Masters Men 50+: scratch, miss & out, pts
Masters Men 40+: pts, scratch, miss & out

 

Cross up at the Lumberyard recap video

Cross up at The Lumberyard

I received an e-mail from Amanda that James Wilson had finished the video recap on the cross up event she held at The Lumberyard a few weeks back. This video will speak for itself if you happened to miss this awesome event! Thanks again Amanda for hosting all these awesome Backyard Blam events!

Saltzman to Skyline

 

Here are a few photos I took while we were on our ride yesterday. Jason, Josh, Justin, Kyle and myself rode up Saltzman to head up to skyline and play around in the west hills. Big ups to Justin for holding it down with the Single speed . My hat is off to you sir!